Swamp Woman
Once upon a time, there lived deep in the Florida swamp, a wild woman
called appropriately, Susquatch Sally, (not to be confused with Pork Salad
Annie)
Anyhow many moons later, a direct descedant of this fetching
lady, (said to possess many mystic powers) lives in the suburban squalor
of modern day Florida. 
Naturally, the grand poobah of the Old Farts Car Club, chose to take
this modern day descedant to the infamous Sawgrass Park on the outskirts
of the famous city of St. Petersburg, FL. (affectionately called God's waiting
room)
Walking along the boardwalks that meandered into the swamp area, Old
Fart and Swamp Woman, came upon an overlook gazebo that had a younger couple
gazing down into the water. The young lady was pointing to a mangrove area
about 25 yards from the gazebo on the right. She said,"I think I saw
an alligator move in those mangroves over there."
Swamp Woman, with a knowing smile asked, placed a finger under her chin
and said, "would you like me to call the alligator for you?" The
young lady looked at Swamp Woman like she was a little off kilter and politely
said, "I guess so, okay"
Old Fart retreated a safe distance away, embarassed and unbelieving,
and wanting to distance himself from this woman brazenly claiming to be
able to call alligators.
Swamp Woman approched the railing and entered into a dreamlike state,
reaching deep within, uttered several guttural sounds that were repugnant,
repulsive, and yet feminine. Old Fart cowered in fear and recoiled even
more back down the walkway.
There was a stirring in the mangroves and the alligator swam directly
to the gazebo, under and in front of where Swamp Woman stood, as if to recieve
a treat.
Old Fart and the young couple stood in awe. Swamp Woman turned to Old
Fart and said, "Don't ever doubt me again, fool" and cast a wicked
eye that made Old Fart sore afraid.
The young lady, not believing what she had witnessed, said, "I
think there was another one over on the other side, out a little further."
Once again Swamp Woman entered into a dream like trance. The sounds
were unbelievable, low and sounding like a midevial boombox. The mangroves
rustled and once again an alligator appeared out of nowhere and swam directly
to Swamp Woman. She smiled softly once again and throwing her shoulders
back and with a toss of her head, headed back to the picnic area. The sun
blazed red in the Florida sky and the Old Fart decided right then and there
never to doubt this woman again.